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False identity

December 3, 2015

It is a faithful traslation of a poem I wrote in Spanish.

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It lives in my insides 

though never revealed in x-ray. 

Tries to escape through my mouth, my sex, 

my eyes. I don’t let it go away.

Vomit me!

Spurt me!

Weep me!

Wants to break my heart

making little ice cubes of it. 

Intents to erode my faith,

to poison me sweetly with his teasing voice.

His breath mists the soul, rusts the ideas.

Can feel it turning on in my brain.

Throbs, shouts, kicks out inside my core.

Knows I am stronger and rises up.

Scratches my very soul, bites my entrails. 

Goes up and down my bones,

swings boldly from my ribs. Tickles my hips

wiggling them softly.

Crawls sultry in my bowels.

Sits down and jumps on my skull. 

Gnaws, scratches, surrounds it.

Swims nude all along my veins. Burns.

Rises up to my throat. 

I swallow it entire!

Never gives up. Never. It never gives up. 

Release me!

Let me go!

Don’t hold me prisoner!

Don’t know if it’s wolf, vulture or hyena. 

It is afraid of me and I am afraid of it. 

I fasten his chains. He laughs. His guffaws hurt me 

stabbing me deeply. I bleed.

We grew up together, angel and monster. 

When I look at myself in the mirror I can see this ugly face. 

With its sharp claws it wants to seaze my dreams;

that thing, the absolute owner of my worst nightmares, 

screams – only I can hear it – screams. 

It sizes me up. It goads me. 

It stole my innocence. It takes me to the limit. It discourages me. 

The doors of greediness opened wide for me.

 I don’t let it out: it would kill me. 

Both of us condemned to live the same life. 

Who are you? Who am I…?

I am yourself, your wild ego. 

Tonight I will escape. 

You won’t be able to stop me with your nails or teeth. 

Scriptum est. Go, go, go!

Then, only then, you will know who you really are. 

The true you unveiled.

The candid dove turned out to be an asp.

You tried to strangle me, cut off my head.

Only death can separate us. Friends or foes, who knows…?

I will return to my heinous underworld.

Want to come with me or face the void forever? 

Shut up! 

Why are you lying to me? 

(Why do I lie to myself?)

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